take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My ATM looks so different sober.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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