She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
