The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
