I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
