so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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