Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
