I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
