I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
