Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
