this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
