Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
