it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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