the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I want to be your penis for a week.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
