if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize