420 ftw
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
