The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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