Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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