Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
