someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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