i think my tv is drunk
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
