I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
