Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
