She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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