his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
