I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
