And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
