I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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