I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
where are you?
Hypothermia
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
