I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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