If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she smelled like a LAN party
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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