So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize