Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
