You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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