Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
