The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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