is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
