so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
