this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
