i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
