Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
