On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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