For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
