Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
