i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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