i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
