between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
