Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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