Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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