I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
