The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
