I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's shark week go big or go home
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
