Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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