Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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