he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
