Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize