My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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