last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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