My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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