she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
