To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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