nut hugger
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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