By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
