Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
