Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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