I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
