Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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