I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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