A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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