Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
