Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
