Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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