You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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