A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
