she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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