In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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