I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
