Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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