yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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