I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Randomize
