you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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