He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
love makes seman taste better
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
