...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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