Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
